Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Good Sex Guide

Whoops! I've been a very bad blogger again. To make up for my absence I dug this up. Apparently it's an extract from a Sex Education Textbook from the UK, circa 1960. Read it and weep!! Seriously, is it for real? Did they really teach teenage girls to behave like this? I'd like to think it's all a big scam but I have a horrifying feeling it might be true!!

OK, here it is... and the italics are all mine...

Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed.

Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.

When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it.

In all things be lead by your husband's wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy.

Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent.

It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.


*cough*

So is it for real?!

21 comments:

Rachael Johns said...

OH MY LORD!!!

Christina Phillips said...

I know! I mean, where do you start?!?!?

Nell Dixon said...

ROFL I guess the author was male - and after that probably ended up alone.

Helen Hardt said...

You gave me my hearty laugh for the day, hon!

Suzanne Brandyn said...

OH...OH...OH... AND HELL! LOL LOL... I wouldn't have survived in those days if I was married.
LOL.. Still laughing, the poor women.

Mel Teshco said...

It's so unbelievable women actually once acted like this! Wonder how I would've survived back then - particularly after I gave 'my' man a good swift kick in the, ah, cough, family jewels.

Cari Quinn said...

Christina, that was hilarious! I think you should post from that book often...I can't stop laughing.

Can you imagine what women of that era would think of what we write now? LOL

Christina Phillips said...

Nell - unbelievably, it was supposedly written by a woman!!!

Helen - I found something else while Googling this one - I'll post it up next week!!!

Suz, you're not the only one. I had to laugh at it otherwise I think I might have broken something!!!

Christina Phillips said...

Mel - absolutely!! It's like something out of Medieval times - don't get me started on that one!!!

Cari, I was thinking the same thing, and I'm also thinking they would probably have loved the stuff we write!!! (not sure about the men tho!!!)

Shelley Munro said...

I've read something like this before. Thank goodness my hubby didn't read this before we were married. I think I'd fail the test. :-)

Christina Phillips said...

LOL Shell - I would *definitely* fail the test!!!

Cathryn Brunet said...

My mind's gone into complete overdrive over what "the more unusual practices" could possibly be.

Hilarious!

Christina Phillips said...

Cathryn, I shudder to think! Anything outside the bedroom, perhaps?!!

Marie said...

This is so funny. My goodness I could never act like that.

Marie

Mary Ricksen said...

Sounds more like the 50's but very true! I watched my mom wait on my dad and cater to him. I thought that was what you were supposed to do.
Now, gag me with a spoon!

Mona Risk said...

This sounds like something my grandma told me when I got married. "Listen to your husband, dear, in every thing. Every thing. Hmm." LOL Thanks!!!

Debra St. John said...

Um...wow...there are no words.

Christina Phillips said...

Marie, it is funny, I couldn't stop laughing but the fact it could be true is kind of horrific really!!

Mary, I've seen a Good Housekeeping Guide from the 50s and that was just as hysterical. And I would totally fail on all counts there as well!!!

Mona LOL! When I think back to my childhood I can only remember my grandma being the boss of the house - my mum never took any nonsense either, and thankfully neither do either of my daughters!!

Debra, it does render you speechless doesn't it?!

Phillipa said...

Surely, that can't be real? The worst bit was "the more unusual practices!" Thanks for sharing this Christina !

Christina Phillips said...

Phillipa, I've love to know exactly what the writer meant by that!!!

MAGGI said...

I thought the sixties were liberated! If I'd read that I would have remained single.
Maggi